Bearrorists!
July 7th, 2008 Posted in Bears in the newsSure you are well aware of the huge list of society’s woes bears are responsible for. But did you know you can also include high gas prices? Yep.
Bear costing YOU dollars at the pump.
Here you can see a bearrorist walking along one of our crucial Alaskan oil pipelines. Their 14 inch razor sharp talons poke holes along the way, causing oil to spurt out in every direction. This causes much of our domestic oil production to be spilled into the Alaskan wilderness. The main problem here is gas prices. The Alaskan wilderness was full of oil before we got there, so don’t sweat that.
Why would bears want to sabotage our infrastructure? HELICOPTERS! They are more than aware that the stuff in these pipes goes directly into helicopters.
I propose a new strategy of only pumping superglue through these pipelines for a few weeks. Not only will this patch the holes, all the stupid bears will be glued to the pipeline for use as quarter-fed kiddie rides. Or made into rugs.